Day 20 of 75 Hard – I’m learning some really valuable stuff. The journey is not easy and I’m wired to make things easier for myself and negotiate with myself. I’m guessing you might be too? Yesterday I had a breakthrough realization that is personal to me but I’m sharing it with you!
The prior day I posted a video about doing my outdoor exercise session (walking) in the rain. It wasn’t my first time to walk in the rain and although I am willing to do it, I am not super excited to do it and I tend to procrastinate. Fast forward 24 hours later and I was walking again. This time it was a pleasant, spring day and I was enjoying my walk and feeling good about myself due to the steep hill I had climbed. Since I’m doing the 75 Hard program for you, my Inspired Wellness community, I pulled out my phone and recorded a video. It was while recording the video that I had the epiphany. Watch my Day 19 video. Watch Here!
I have been making excuses when things are hard. I have been negotiating with myself when I don’t want to do something. I have come to realize that by negotiating with myself, I am making it even HARDER on myself. Thankfully, I haven’t given in and quit 75 Hard but I realized that I am making a difficult program even harder by negotiating with myself! I decided then and there – This stops NOW! I told myself, when this kind of self-talk comes up, I will nip it in the bud! Just do it! Quit talking about it, just do it! Quit thinking about it, just do it!
I made a fresh commitment to myself! From that moment forward – No more negotiating with myself to make things easier because it actually makes things harder! When I try to figure out a different way because I don’t want to do something, like walk in the rain or do a workout very early or late, or whatever, I will recognize it immediately and stop it. I will spend NO MORE mental energy or time on negotiating with myself.
I recognize that self-negotiation is a universal struggle. It can be around diet, exercise, work, play or anything really.
Why-Power is Stronger than Will-Power!
Will-power ebbs and flows. I cannot count on my will power to keep me consistent. However, when I have a purpose for why I am doing my thing, my WHY, especially a deep-seated “why” is much more motivating.
This is why I help all my coaching clients develop their Wellness Vision. We all need a target. It is easier to achieve our goals when the target is very well defined. Your Wellness Vision is specific to you and no one else will have the same.
What Does It Mean to Negotiate with Yourself?
Definition: Self-negotiation is the mental bargaining we do to justify breaking promises to ourselves.
Some common examples are telling ourselves, “I’ll start tomorrow,” or “one missed workout won’t make a difference.” I’m sure you have some creative ones too!
Self-negotiating sabotages progress by creating inconsistency that makes it harder to build good habits. It also weakens mental resilience and self-trust. We also get into the habit of making excuses and think they are acceptable. Does this resonate with you? It sure does with me!
Consistency beats motivation because motivation is fleeting. Creating habits that become deep habits in your life develop from consistency. Doing the work even when it’s hard, inconvenient, or unappealing is when real growth happens.
🚫 How to Stop Negotiating with Yourself
Begin by making a decision that you are not a person who negotiates with yourself! Make it part of your identity.
Recognize and shut down your excuses.
Pre-plan your habits which will remove decision-making in the moment. This could look like scheduling your workouts, meal prep or self-care time into your calendar. Then honor that time with yourself and treat the scheduled time as non-negotiable appointments.
Make it easy on yourself by being prepared. If the scheduled task is meal-prepping, make sure you have done your shopping prior.
In the case of workout scheduling, lay out your workout clothing so your brain has fewer decisions to make.
Do not give your brain room to negotiate. Do your “thing” without thinking about it. Go confidently and don’t give yourself too much time to think. It’s like jumping into the pool instead of easing in slowly. Just do it because otherwise your hard-working brain will have time to stop you! This is real.
Another powerful tool is to visualize yourself at the end point of your goal. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Giving your brain the picture and the feel can overcome its objections. You will find yourself focusing on the long term benefit vs the short term comfort!
Accountability
The only reason I’m still doing 75 Hard is because I made myself publicly accountable to you! That was uncomfortable in the beginning, and really, it still is!
When you make yourself accountable, statistics show you are 80% more likely to achieve your goal! It doesn’t have to public; it can be accountability to a friend or group. Intentionally putting yourself into an accountable position also invites support from those you are accountable to. It’s even more fun to be mutually accountable and supportive with others.
Real-life application: “I don’t negotiate with myself” mindset carries over into all areas of life.
- Nutrition: Stop negotiating with yourself about making healthy choices.
- Exercise: Commit to daily movement, even when you’re not in the mood.
- Stress Management: Refuse to skip self-care, no matter how busy you are.
- Spiritual Health: Prioritize prayer, devotions, and time with God without compromise.
Encouragement & Call to Action
What’s one area of your life where you’ve been negotiating with yourself? This week, I challenge you to draw a line in the sand. No more excuses. No more deals with yourself. Just relentless commitment to becoming the person you were created to be.
In love and Health,
Terri
