Supportive relationships are medicine! Studies show the value of supportive relationships includes things like positive mental health and even longevity. Dementia risk is lower for those with satisfying relationships with many friends and family.
Do you place value on cultivating and maintaining the relationships in your life? Let’s face it, life is busy and maintaining connection takes time and effort. Sometimes, this can be the first to go when we are overwhelmed by our own life challenges and the never-ending to-do list.
NIH (National Institute of Health) research findings include: (1) social relationships have significant effects on health; (2) social relationships affect health through behavioral, psychosocial, and physiological pathways; (3) relationships have costs and benefits for health; (4) relationships shape health outcomes throughout the course of life and have a cumulative impact on health over time; and (5) the costs and benefits of social relationships are not distributed equally in the population.
The opposite of social connection is social isolation. It is clear that social isolation is detrimental to good health and longevity. The Covid isolation years served as a good reminder of the importance of social connection in all aspects of life. Mankind is not meant to do life alone; in fact, life is much more vibrant and satisfying when shared with others, especially others who we have a mutually supportive relationship with.
This is best defined as good family relationships and great friends. Take a minute and self-assess your level of satisfaction. Could you use more friends? Are your friendships one-way or otherwise, not supportive? Do you have a lot of acquaintances but no or very few close friends? Who can you call when you need help? Are you willing to give help to others?
Let’s talk about how to grow your friendship base.
First, it’s important to put yourself out into the world. It is not likely that anyone will be knocking on the door of your home to come spend time with you. Friendships typically begin over shared interests. Find a group or club with people of like interests. One good way is Meetup. Meetup is a free app (website too) where there are groups that meet over all kinds of different interests/topics. Be brave and attend a meeting or event. Talk to people when you’re there. In other words, step out of your comfort zone and see this group of strangers as friends you haven’t yet met.
You could also take a class, join your local gym and take classes there or any other type of events. Keep in mind, you will get from it what you put into it so I encourage you to linger, be friendly and engage conversation with others. This means even if you are the first to speak. Your impression may be that others are stand offish or in cliques but consider possibly they are shy; don’t know you and you may need to speak first. There is no harm in being friendly and kind.
Another great way to make new friends is to volunteer. Typically, this is an easy way because you are doing something that requires you to interact with others so there is less of a tendency to be shy.
My favorite way of developing great friendships is through my church. Keep in mind, small groups are where it’s at. I attend and lead ladies bible studies which by nature are very relational. I also attend a weekly home group which brings people of different ages and walks of life together over a shared purpose of loving God and loving others. We do life together and over time we learn more about each other. I’ve made wonderful friends in this context that I never would have crossed paths with otherwise.
Healthy and supportive friendships work both ways and are mutually satisfying throughout the give and take process of the relationship. However, people (you and me included) have a sin nature and not all friendships are healthy. In fact, it may be necessary to distance yourself from an unhealthy friendship.
What are the signs of an unhealthy friendship?
- There’s a whole lot of drama.
- Everything is about them
- They compete with you.
- The conversation is one sided.
- They cross your boundaries.
- Toxic friends are obsessively needy and are jealous of your other friends.
These types of relationships are not life-giving; they are the opposite. Over time, it will exhaust you and affect your health. All of us are responsible for our own health and well-being which means it may be necessary to distance or end a relationship. That is not to say, you don’t care about the person or continue to love and pray for them.
How to Nurture Your Relationships
- Reach out regularly. Admittedly, I am not good at this. I get busy and time goes by but writing this article is encouraging me to try harder!
- Be honest and open. Nobody has time for surface level relationships. If you want to cultivate meaningful relationship, be vulnerable. It builds love and trust.
- Make time for each other. Have you received an invite but turned it down because you’re busy? Sometimes that is necessary but other time, evaluate your priority.
- Listen. Being a good listener is a hallmark attribute of a good friend!
- Show appreciation to your friend. Let them know they are important to you and that you care about them. This can be done in words and deed.
- Respect differences. No two people are alike and that makes our world beautiful. Even if you have many similarities, you will have differences. Learn from your friend’s perspective and show respect even if you disagree. It’s okay to disagree – with love and respect!
- Be supportive. Be the kind of friend you would like to have.
This blog post got longer than normal but suffice to say, this area of health is important and can be overlooked. I encourage you to self-assess and take steps accordingly!
God bless you!